Letters to our Daughters. This project is one that I hold dear to my heart. It’s a project I do not only for myself but for my girls. The ones who will hopefully be reading (and want to read) this when they are older, or if they are lucky, mothers themselves. I hope the words that I share with them today will always bring them back to a place of unconditional love, especially during times of need.
May is for me.
Daddy and I always knew we wanted a family and a family of four seemed like a perfect number for us. Elliotte, being pregnant with you was such an incredible feeling. I am growing this little being that Daddy and I made together. We couldn’t wait to meet you, to see who you looked like and how your little personality would be. You were in such a hurry to come into this world and I am so glad I got to deliver a healthy baby girl that is you. Daddy and I stood in that bathroom, in shock and in love. I soaked in all the firsts of motherhood with you. It was a steep learning curve, but we are figuring it out together. Then we decided the best thing we can give you is a sibling. Someone who would think, “my big sister’s the bee’s knees”. As if the first birthing experience wasn’t fast enough, Janie, you were determined to prove us wrong. You came just as fast, if not faster. You were happy and easy from the get-go. I think because of it, everything just went faster. That’s when I knew, it was time for me to stay at home with you both. This is by far the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Some days, I think, I do it well. Some days, I go to bed with guilt wrought around my heart for being that ugly, exhausted, parent. There are definitely days when I think, it’s better off that I go back to work. But then something would happen. A touch, a smile, a whole-body hug, a kiss, a “I love you so much mama”, a pair of glistening brown eyes, a tear streaming down, a quivering lip, an end-of-your-tether tantrum, a sweet moment of sisterhood captured on camera. No matter how hard it gets, I always want to reach out and hold you. I’m always in your corner, on your side, unconditionally. And that gives me the strength to go on for another day. I cannot imagine the emptiness of my heart without all of it. Our days may not be perfect but they are made rich by our experience of it together.
Elliotte and Janie, you made me a mother and you continue to make me want to be better. And for that, I thank you.
I also want to say a Happy Mother’s Day to two very special people in my life who are integral in shaping my role as a mother: my mother and my mother-in-law. I love you both so much!
Now please click over to check out AnnMarie and her Letters to her Children for May, and keep going, this month promises some great content because it’s Mother’s Day!